When Will My Black Femme Voice Matter

Today is a special day for me. It is the day I was born, the day God said, “let there be Autumn." While I don’t feel right celebrating, it’s important that I acknowledge that I had major plans coming into my new year.

With the help of my best friend, I planned a launch of my new website, blog, and platform to share my innermost thoughts and struggles. Ultimately, I dreamed of offering a safe space for those who don’t realize there is something out there who can relate to their trauma. This was a vision in the making for a long time, but something else has taken more priority and has shifted my attention in a different direction – ending police brutality and abolishing the nonsensical violence against Black people.

The week leading up to my 27th has been heavy, full of a roller-coaster of emotions I wasn’t prepared for.

In one week, I have attended a peaceful protest, which sparked a fire in me. That fire prompted me to take action. In turn, I have been slighted by white men, snubbed by Black men, and disowned by members of my own church. As a woman with great resilience, none of that deterred me. Support, uplift, and encouragement has shown its light so much brighter than the strife I endured. I found ally-ship in unexpected places and I will never take that for granted. So, I kept pushing forward.

To some, to be Black in this country is to be susceptible to targeting, being demeaned, and made to feel lesser-than. And to be a Black woman is even worse. If you are not a Black woman, you know the struggle of making a name for yourself when no one is paying you any mind. But we won’t be silenced.

George Floyd was murdered by police. He was murdered live on camera for all to see. The world watched as Derek Chauvin kneeled on George Floyd’s neck for 8 minutes and 46 seconds. We watched George Floyd’s life wither away, while four police officers did nothing but allow him to die.

Notice how many times I said George Floyd’s name. Now may I ask, do you know who Breonna Taylor is?

I myself was unaware of her murder until Ahmaud Arbery made the news, and I’m not proud of that. Furthermore, I’m not the least bit shocked – it is a part of the propaganda to erase Black women in history. As a woman, I would be remised if I didn’t tell you about Breonna Taylor, the 26-year-old aspiring nurse who, on March 11th, was shot at least eight times by police officers who broke into her home, failing to announce who they were. Breonna Taylor was in the comfort of her own home and was attacked and murdered by the police, who still face no repercussions. Breonna Taylor’s murderers are walking around this earth freely, while she has passed on, leaving behind many who loved her.

Breonna Taylor’s death hit me in a way I couldn’t have anticipated. I will never take away from what really matters – police killings of Black people – but as a Black woman, even in death, you have to fight twice as hard to get a fourth of justice. Generally speaking, Black people have to work twice as hard to get half of what white people do. And Black women work twice as hard to get half of that… We get the remnants of what’s left of the movement.

It’s not right, and I won’t stand for it. Breonna Taylor and I share a birthday and I won’t let our legacies die. Even when Black men and women are fighting for the same cause, sacrificing everything, it’s us who are always forgotten or an afterthought. I won’t allow myself to be forgotten. I am too valuable to be. I have my four younger brothers and sisters to stand tall for, reminding them that what they believe matters because they matter.

I want to share a recent experience, explaining myself along the way.

While I was still mourning all of the terrible events of late, on Sunday, May 31st, Paul Trible, the president of Christopher Newport University, my alma mater, sent a campus-wide email to the student population stating:

My dear Christopher Newport Family,

My heart breaks over the terrible events that are terrorizing Virginia and our country. I grieve for the family of George Floyd and the other victims of shootings in recent weeks. Justice must be swift and certain.

Violence, however, is not the answer. Violence will only harden hearts and make real change more difficult. 

The protests now sweeping the nation reflect the anguish and frustration felt by so many of our fellow citizens. In some places they have been peaceful and powerful. In many cities, our own Richmond for example, we have seen looting, arson and the wanton destruction of private and public property.  My own son’s business, Ledbury, on Broad Street was ransacked and all of his merchandise and cash register carried off. 

Martin Luther King Jr. said: “As my sufferings mounted, I soon realized that there were two ways in which I could respond to my situation -- either to react with bitterness or seek to transform the suffering into a creative force. I decided to follow the latter course.” I hope that in our pain we will stand together and address in positive and lasting ways the difficult and troubling issues about the conduct of police, violence in our society, and racism.

Fortunately, our strength at Christopher Newport is our compassion, kindness and the abundant love we have for each other and the world.  We are deeply committed to respecting each other, really listening to each other, and making our campus richer in our diversity. Together we must be an example to others and work for a better future for our country.

Paul Trible

From reading this message once silently and then again aloud, I was mortified. How could Paul Trible, the man who had inspired me with his eloquence, advertise his biased views on world events using his mega-platform? This was a blatant disregard for the Black American’s plight, especially those who suffered from it on his very own campus.

Naturally, I said my peace as soon as I could gather my thoughts that same day, saying:

Paul,

First and foremost - I am ASHAMED, but not surprised at your disgustingly biased "statement". After knowing the cultural climate, reading the room, and taking a moment to self-reflect, you still decided to take the time to send out an email to the Christopher Newport University community denouncing the actions of the protesters INSTEAD OF the actions prompting the protests. 

So, after knowing the cultural climate we find ourselves in, reading the room, and doing some self-reflection, I have decided to take the time to send YOU a message. 

Call out these "terrible events" for what they really are - police brutality leading to the constant murders of Black people without consequences.

You of all people have the influence to make a change. You are the President of an accredited university. You had the power to take a stand for what is important - and that is ending unjust law enforcement and ensuring this country is a place where ALL people feel safe, not just the ones who were born without melanin.

You could have some empathy and compassion for those who are taking action in their own way. People are angry - wouldn't you be? If you saw day after day that people you love, people you know, people who mean something to someone were disproportionately targeted, beaten, and murdered? Or can you not relate since you do not even have to think about your safety as you go about your life?

Now, let's talk about your son's place of business. Do you have the right to be mad? Absolutely! Is Ledbury insured? Most likely. Will the merchandise be replaced? I bet your bottom dollar it will be.

But will the destruction of his store take away from the focus of the movement? Most certainly not! You want to know why? Because people who are oppressed know what must be done to get the attention of the oppressors. Just like your ancestors looted lands and people, it's our time to take our own course of action.

Like most of "you" do in an attempt to silence minorities, you are trying to take certain words from our leaders and use them against us. And in case you forgot, he was murdered as well. 

If you want to be an example, perhaps it's time for you to open your purse and also shed some light on how we can come together and really make a difference. You forgot to suggest voting in local elections, reporting abusive law enforcement, and investing in education reform.

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. also said "a riot is the language of the unheard" and that's where we are today.  

I hope you learned something today.

~ Autumn Moody, Class of 2015

I felt so relieved that the Autumn from 2015 had evolved into a woman who was unashamed and wouldn’t shrink herself to make others uncomfortable, even for those in position of power. I admit, I recently re-watched the Jeffrey Epstein docuseries on Netflix and I was tired of old, white men and the ease they had when doing what they wanted to get their way.

But what shocked me the most came the next day. A Black man used my outcry to his advantage. He took my passion for Trible’s wrongdoings and molded it into a publicity stunt. It felt less of a partnership to transform the system from the inside, and more of a competition to get the most clout. No matter – that’s what men tend to do. I remained steadfast and dedicated myself to making my voice, and the hundreds of voices believing in me, heard.

Since I failed to receive a response from the president, I decided to send an email to members of Christopher Newport University’s Board of Visitors on June 2nd, stating:

To the Board of Visitors:

I am writing you all today in an attempt to raise awareness of how the current President of Christopher Newport University has used his platform to address the current cultural Black Lives Matter movement. If you are unaware, this movement officially began in 2013 following the murder of Trayvon Martin. And since then, people of all races, backgrounds, and walks of life have taken up the challenge of bringing justice, healing, and freedom to Black people around the world by abolishing police violence. 

While I understand that CNU is a PWI (predominantly white institution), I feel confident speaking for a majority when I say that President Paul Trible did not take the appropriate stance when addressing this matter. In his statement sent on Sunday, May 31, only six days following the murder of George Floyd, he made it a point to showcase how the systemic violence perpetuated by law enforcement onto minorities has negatively affected his son's clothing store. I will say that again. Paul Trible placed more emphasis on his son's merchandise than a human life.

By no means am I condoning violence nor do I believe all law enforcement has bad intentions, but the fact of the matter is this: people are hurt from what we see day in and day out from those who are supposed to protect us equally. And now, Paul Trible has added to our pain.

That pain left me no choice but to respond as soon as I could collect my thoughts in a positive and educational way. While it was a difficult choice to refute a man whom I once had respect for, I had to speak up. He did not fulfill his duty to be a part of the change. Instead he attempted to silence us with his words, unknowingly perpetuating the same type of tactics oppressors use.

I am a Black woman, the first and only of my five siblings to earn a college degree. I had many schools to choose from, but after visiting the campus, and seeing the smiling faces and the beautiful buildings, Christopher Newport became my only choice. I was heavily involved in campus-life. I was the President of the front-end budgeted multi-cultural student association, I was a member of psychology research groups, I attended and presented research seminars across different campuses, I was selected to attend the National Conference on Race and Ethnicity in American Higher Education (NCORE), and started and led my own organizations, leading to traditions still prominent on campus today.

Now as a graduate, paving the way for generations behind me, I now realize the CNU has just been an illusion, keeping students shielded from the harsh realities of life. It's time to wake up.

Thank you in advance for your future endeavors in promoting Christopher Newport University as a safe space for all students, faculty, and staff.

Very Respectfully,

Autumn Moody, Class of 2015

By this time, I wanted to make myself clear that I would not be pacified. After receiving a response from Mr. Robert Hatten, I decided to respond one last time since he was a lawyer. Honestly, I was tired of playing the game – like you may have guessed, I’m not into politics. However, this was a fight that I dove into headfirst, caring only about folks righting their wrongs. And after feeling the satisfaction from my actions impacting others, how dare I allow myself to take a break?

So, I responded to his email the next day on June 3rd, saying:

Dear Rector Hatten,

I first want to thank you for taking the time out to respond to my email. I know Paul Trible has since sent the second email in response to the outcry which I will not comment on at this time, but I would like to close the loop with you. I have to agree when you said my letter to you all was heartfelt; I am proud at how easily the words poured out of me. I guess I was more passionate about this than I thought. 

If you knew me, you'd know how much love I have in my heart to serve others and be an advocate for those in need. I won't lie and say it's easy, but it's worth it. If I may, I will compare myself - just momentarily - to you and Paul. You two have taken on the burdens of others, making it your personal missions to do what's right and just for them. You both understand what it means to represent others and be their voice. And that is what I've decided to do - it's my calling. From the hundreds of responses I’ve received from current students, former students, once-prospective students, and some faculty members, I now have a heavy burden to bear, which I am honored to have.

I loved your life story - it was nice to get a picture in my mind of the person I am engaging with. In any case, I want to provide some clarity. I am not judging Trible for his accomplishments. I don't actually recall bringing his accomplishments to your attention, but I never rebutted them - how could I? He worked hard for them, just as I have worked hard for mine.

Also, I love my family! Very much so, which is why I'm fighting so hard for them and the entire Black community. If any of them suffered any loss like Trible's son did, as previously mentioned in my letter to him, I would be furious. I never denied that.

The only difference between him and I is the position he chose and holds. Luckily, I am not the president of a university, so I am granted the privilege to make the mistakes of "being human" as you said. You yourself stated you wouldn't have said what he said in the initial letter. When you are in a position of power, you know what you are signing up for. You know the luxury of putting yourself first in times of crisis is waived. Unfortunately, he can't afford to use his platform to express himself "in the heat of passion", especially when he's not on the side of right.

You mentioned the splendid education I received from Christopher Newport University, which will allow me to provide for my family. CNU is actually where I learned restraint when addressing folks, if you must know. And I appreciate the expensive education I paid for, but let me be clear when I tell you that if I am ever stopped by the wrong police on the wrong day, waiving my degree won't guarantee my safety, let alone my life. 

I respect Paul Trible for the constant campus renovations and the crab legs we got on Black holidays. Those things are nice. But to earn true respect, it has to come from a genuine place. With that being said, I will use this last moment with you to thank you for being a part of hiring the kind of faculty who showed solidarity with us since the very beginning.

Best,

Autumn Moody, Class of 2015

I write this to document my own history. I won’t allow myself to be erased. This is the beginning of my journey to changing the world, one conversation at a time. I won’t take away from the sacrifices anyone has made or the risks anyone has taken. I simply ask the same in return – not only for myself, but for all of the women who have taken a stand, risking their lives so you can live yours a little bit longer.

Men, I love you and I will stand with you forever and always. But please remember, women need the same commitment. Uplift us, honor us, and just pour into us. Do that and I promise you, we will deliver more support than you could ever imagine.

Breonna, happy birthday sis. It’s our 27th lap around the sun, and we are celebrating life – the life we live, have lived, and will live we’ve created for generations to come.

As I type this, I hear that a storm is coming. Call that divine timing.

Love,

Autumn