Therapy Doesn’t Bite… Hard

Like most of us, therapy scares me. Some of us are still using Iyanla as the archetype for what a therapist is and I don’t know about you, but I don’t want my face planted in the dirt talking to my ancestors. Therapy isn’t meant to be embarrassing or demeaning. What that being said, I am still experiencing secondhand trauma from that episode. Poor William.

But seriously, it’s not even therapy itself that’s scary. It’s the thought of therapy that scares us. Because let’s face it, we haven’t even envisioned ourselves laying on the couch in front of a stranger, their pen and paper in hand, as we stare at the ceiling saying, “I just don’t know what’s wrong” yet. We haven’t even made it that far in our thought process.

We are still in the beginning stages of convincing ourselves we need to talk to someone. I say “convince” because that’s what it feels like.

When we contemplate taking that first step in talking to a professional, a whirlwind of feelings, fears, and objections rush upon us.

That might look like any of these:

• “What does that say about me if I need a shrink?”

• “What do I even really need to talk about?”

• “God will fix me.”

• “When will I even have the time?”

• “How will I pay for therapy?”

• “I can handle this on my own.”

• “Are my parents right when they say therapy isn’t for me?”

Questioning therapy is a part of the process. If you’re questioning if therapy is right for you, at least you know you’re ready to start moving forward and improving in some aspect(s) of your life. Considering therapy as a means to navigate this progression shows your awareness and commitment - awareness that you may need assistance navigating how to achieve the future you want and commitment to bettering yourself.

There is no right or wrong way to say yes to receiving help. And once you say yes, that’s when the real fun begins (could you hear the sarcasm in my voice?). I kid, I kid.

Look, I’m just trying to be as open and honest as I can when I say the toughest part of this journey may be actually finding a therapist that is right for you.

I am lucky to have the therapist I have now, but it sure was a long journey. It took about 6 months into my search until I was able to sit face to face with someone. I felt like I was searching for my life partner. I created a list of what I wanted in a therapist, how I wanted them to look, what their background was, how much they charged, woman or man, the whole shebang. I went the obvious route of Psychology.com and after a while, I was pretty satisfied with my selection. After I called the first couple of offices, I realized that there must have been others like myself who did their due diligence and were happy with their selections too, because everyone I wanted was booked and busy, okay?! Finally, after calling an office every day to see if my top choice had any cancellations, I heard a “yes”!

Long story short, we have been seeing each other since last fall and I can’t wait to celebrate our one-year anniversary! After living through traumatic events (yes, plural), I have to say that saying yes to therapy has been the best decision I have made in a very long time.

I won’t lie to you and say it’s easy talking to someone about things you’ve buried, things you’ve vowed to never re-live, and things you’ve distracted yourself from, especially when your relationship is being built with a stranger and being built from pain you’ve experienced and may still be experiencing today. Your sessions will be awkward. There will be tears. You may even find yourself encountering a physical pain in your chest as you dive deeper into your sessions. It will hurt and it will hurt some more.

I know you’re ready to hear some positivity that comes from therapy and here it comes. There is always good along with the bad, no matter what anybody says. Through all of the pain you may feel, there is a weight that will be lifted each and every time you finish your session. There will be the joy you feel knowing that you’ve completed another lesson on You.

Therapy has been my outlet to experience my true self in a safe environment with a professional whose sole job is to assist me in my journey of Self. There is no judgment, no humiliation, no secrets. I can be exactly who I am without the façade with the ultimate goal of living my life, unfiltered.

I choose therapy even when it hurts because I know that what I’ve survived does not have to define me. I know that instead of holding on to the pain, I can face it and move on and be a better, evolved woman because of it.

I’m proud of you for considering therapy.

Don’t be afraid.

Love,

Autumn